Featured Feature: Pulse Wave Myotron!!!

 

Holy dick, folks--it's HERE!!!

My BOOK:

I wasn't kidding, dammit!  BEHOLD!

Lester Greystone presents:

U G L Y   A S   H E L L      Support independent publishing: Buy this book on Lulu.

Featuring:

*242 pages of mind-searing content!

*41 chapters of glorious epicness!

*The best cover art and title that you have EVER seen (admit it)!

Think about it: a book, filled with the kind of goods that you already KNOW can only come from me!  Something you can hold, talk to, water, and hurl angrily at Slam!©poets!

--So, what is this book, exactly?  What kind of stuff is in there?

In this book, I artfully disembowel:

And so much more! NOTHING IS SAFE, and we love it! 

Need more?  In this book, you will learn about:

Do you STILL need more?!?

...Is any of this sinking in?  Actually, there are only 3 things NOT in this book; 2 of them haven't been invented yet, and the 3rd one is illegal!  You're not gonna get much else out of only ink and wood--believe me, I've tried!

  

***Disclaimer: This Book is for Adults Only--No Crybabies Allowed!

 

--Testimonials--

Listen to what lots of great people are ALREADY saying about this book!!!

"Damn you, son.  God-fucking-damn you."

--Lester Greystone's father

"In this book, Lester Greystone says way more awesome shit than Alec Baldwin EVER has, in any of his movies--or in his real life."

--Daniel Baldwin

"This would be the next Harry Potter book, if Harry Potter weren't such a pussy."

--Joe Rogan, Gilbert Gottfried, Nikola Tesla

"I have laughed exactly 3 times in my life: seeing a fat kid trip and break his face, sharting in public, and reading this book."

--One of those silent English Tower Guard guys

"A month ago, I was contemplating suicide--then I read Lester Greystone's book.....goodbye, world."

--Lester Greystone's ex-girlfriend

"Holy dicking fuck..."

--Caligula

"[Lester] Greystone must be deported--to OUR country, immediately!  Our women and spirits demand it!"

--Denmark (seconded by Sweden)

"Lester Greystone should get a Nobel Prize for Literature for writing this book.  I mean it--where the fuck is Lester Greystone's Nobel Prize?"

--Lester Greystone

Seriously, you're gonna have some cool shit to do, finally!  You are going to absolutely love it--you have my highly conditional, notarized and 32-bit file encrypted guarantee!

Support independent publishing: Buy this book on Lulu.  

 

Send e-mails to: whatwouldcletusdo@ashbath.com 

 

*Welcome to the Archives.    
It's like saving 2-dollar bills: seriously, who gives a F*CK?!?

Click for the Clippings Archive. *s poiler warning: you'll never be satisfied with a real news headline again.

Fun with Words! Click it, you ass!  illiter-bugs

Click here for MUSIC!

Demotivators: click it!  ...Unless you don't wanna...

 

*Previous junk:

Evil Pricks Unite in Grief over Loss of Enron CEO Ken Lay

$5 Dollars by January?  We can DO THIS!

How to Copulate properly with a Horse

Bomb Disguised as Bomb makes it through Security Checks

Man Wins Poon through sheer Attrition

Paying for Music is so 2001

It only Costs $35 to Suck at Life

I Explain Smoking

Consumers Reject the Second Coming in Favor of PS3

Drug Czar Declares Cease-Fire on the War on Drugs

Annex Canada!

Local Man Decides to have Beer instead

Area Man Fails Self-inspection

Artist's own Death Gives Career a Big Boost

Secretary "effs" Like a Champ

Norm MacDonald Stole My Shit!

Local Company Seeks Average Employee

You need to see this in order to not see that.
My review of Transporter 2 can save you untold agony. The film caused me massive psychological wounds (for which I do plan to sue).  Read on!

Tooth Fairy

33% of 70 Years is much too long to Suck

Europe is the Sh*t!

Dry Socket

Non-reptiles Mourn the Loss of the Crocodile Hunter

Anderson Cooper Fails to look Intense

Twilight Eviscerated

Pink is for TOOLS!

Boy + Ballon = You - IQ

The 2009 Golden Wrench Awards!!!

Transformers 2 is a robo-turd

Book update (1 Feb 2010)

Wikipedia's LEGION (movie) Review!

Bale Rant

Bill and Ted's Most Gnarly Reunion still Waiting on "That other Guy"

Amazing New Diet Plan Takes you from Fat to Extremely Creepy-looking in only 38 Days!!!

Brutal Review of The Sixth Day

 

Legal Shit

Hey, dickhead!

Unless expressly noted with a huge banner complete with asterisks and shit, absolutely all music, written
works and jaw-droppingly awesome paintbrush (pbrush) pieces on this website are created by and property of
site administrator and state-certified bad-ass, Lester Greystone.
  All copyright rules and regulations apply,
even if I don't have the little "C" thingy.

©  Oh, fuck, there it is.