I am not kidding when I say this book has balls. Behold!

Features:

*242 pages of mind-searing content!

*41 chapters of glorious epicness!

*The best cover art and title that you have EVER seen (admit it)!

Think about it: a book, filled with the kind of goods that you already KNOW can only come from me! Something you can hold, talk to, water, and hurl angrily at Slam!©poets!

--So, what is this book, exactly? What kind of stuff is in there?

In this book, I artfully disembowel:

Food Studies
Hyphenated Names
House Liquor
"Pre-destroyed" Pants
Good Looks
Myself (of course)
The End of the World

And so much more! NOTHING IS SAFE, and we love it!

Need more? In this book, you will learn about:

What a "Foint" is
The Origins of the World's Largest Monte Cristo Sandwich
What it's like to be an Actor
How to Name a Band Properly
How and why People REALLY hook up
How "Chin Remotes" work
The End of the World (what can I say? It's a Bad-ass topic)!

Do you STILL need more?!?

Binge Drinking!
True Love!
Single-wide Trailers!
Birth!
Drug Binges!
Business Strategy!
Quitting your Job!
Enlightenment!

...Is any of this sinking in? Actually, there are only 3 things NOT in this book; 2 of them haven't been invented yet, and the 3rd one is illegal! You're not gonna get much else out of only ink and wood--believe me, I've tried!

***Disclaimer: This Book is for Adults Only--No Crybabies Allowed!

Listen to what lots of great people are ALREADY saying about this book:

"Damn you, son. God-fucking-damn you."

-Lester Greystone's father

"In this book, Lester Greystone says way more awesome shit than Alec Baldwin EVER has, in any of his movies--or in his real life."

-Daniel Baldwin

"This would be the next Harry Potter book, if Harry Potter weren't such a pussy."

-Nikola Tesla

"I have laughed exactly 3 times in my life: seeing a fat kid trip and break his face, sharting in public, and reading this book."

-One of those silent English Tower Guard guys

"A month ago, I was contemplating suicide--then I read Lester Greystone's book.....goodbye, world."

-Lester Greystone's ex-girlfriend

"Holy dicking fuck..."

-Caligula

"[Lester] Greystone must be deported--to OUR country, immediately! Our women and spirits demand it!"

-Denmark (seconded by Sweden)

"Lester Greystone should get a Nobel Prize for Literature for writing this book. I mean it: where the fuck is Lester Greystone's Nobel Prize?"

-Lester Greystone

Seriously, you're gonna have some cool shit to do, finally! You are going to absolutely love it--you have my highly conditional, notarized and 32-bit file encrypted guarantee!