"Balloon Boy" hoax stupefies millions

Now, I do not have all the details of the Balloon Boy Hoax, but what I do know is this:

YOU ARE ALL ASS-HATS.

Nobody bothered to ask -or look- for this kid while the balloon was flying around; everyone just immediately believed that he was in it.  Could it even carry him?  A good question, which of course was only asked after hours of news coverage and global couch-cushion-gripping pandemonium.

Fucking Black Hawk helicopters?  Are you SHITTING ME?!?  What the fuck else did they think was in there?  --Because with all that panic and resources comitted, there HAD to be more than just some cleverly-named kid in there.  Tell me there were reports of possible funnel cake inside the balloon, Michael Moore's severed balls, the 2010 Kia sport wagon, something!  

...And PLEASE tell me, that by the law of proportionality, a lone soldier in the desert, when pinned down by enemy gunfire, gets at least 7 Black Hawk helicopters, a Spectre gunship, and an airdrop of In-and-Out burgers, one double-double (animal style) for every enemy dispatched.  Milkshakes at 50% off.

Who the fuck does this kid think he is, Jon Benet?

I'll tell you who is even more pissed off at this kid than I am: