I can go Bust before I even sit at the table.

I went to the Grand Opening (uh-huh-huh) of this brand new casino downtown with a couple of friends just to check it out.  
There were a lot of people there, obviously, because people always flock to Grand Openings, no matter what they're for.

"Yeah!  I love this grand open...um, what was this for?  What--my own live castration!?
...Well, do you guys have any free pens or coffee cups?"

Additionally, if there's one thing people love as much as banging people that they can't stand, it's throwing money away.

So, right away, I notice that the waitresses are carrying Styrofoam cups...why?

Because the only bar is dry due to some "discrepancy" (as the nerdy attendant put it), and there is only soda available.  In
other words: WTF!?

I'm from Nevada, so I've hung around a few casinos.  Anyone who thinks of bringing a Nevadan gambler a soda that hasn't
been violated by Vodka or Wild Turkey is immediately sent to therapy, since that person is clearly suicidal.  Now, this was
a Saturday night, and I had to work Sunday.  The original plan was to be severely hung over for this shift.  Now I was
simply gonna be tired, so already I'm pissed off.

On the way to an ATM, a teenage girl flashes me the "L."  I guess she was a psychic, because I got to the machine and
punched it up to give me $100, and what does it do?  It gives me a hundred dollars, alright, in the form of a ONE
HUNDRED GOD DAMNED DOLLAR BILL.  

At least cigarettes were cheap--which was good, since I was chain smoking whilst getting my dick beat in at the BlackJack
tables (which charge a 50 cent commission on each hand--another good way to get abducted in Nevada).  I don't recall
which was more frequent: my 15 and 12 hands, or the dealer's 8-card 20s and twenty-ones.  Oh well, at least that one guy
two seats down with a thick, gleaming golden ring on EVERY SINGLE FINGER was able to hit six or seven BlackJacks to
offset my losing streak.

I didn't even go out in a fireball; it was slow-death the whole way, took me nearly an hour to lose 35 bucks, and the only
thing that would have redeemed the night--liver-scorching spirits--were nowhere to be had.

I came all the way out there, helped those pricks with the lease, and I get treated like a fuckin' drummer.

...I didn't even remember to take any free pens or coffee cups on the way out.