Europe is the shit!
June 10 2007

So, here's the deal: 

Europe is:

"tits," "awesome," "the f-ing bomb," "sweet," "12 years of skipped child support payments," "wonderful..." you get the
idea.  Pick an expression.  It's equivalent to that part in Team America where Matt Damon gets killed, playing live 360
degrees, 24/7.

This site has been out of circulation for a little while for a couple of reasons (mostly popular demand), but since having
moved to Europe, I've begun to fan a few old flames (cigarette smoking, binge drinking, delusions) and now there is a
bevy of new material to post and so this e-trocity can finally resume. 

Things started to look up for me the moment I transferred onto a Dutch plane to Amsterdam.  Now, If you've never heard
what Dutch sounds like, imagine a little bit of something German-sounding mixed in with what Satan performing an
abortion while listening to Master of Puppets* on an MP3 player would sound like.  If he were also part Borg.

The plane was endowed with in-flight meals that look like art, foreigners a-go-go, and toilets with such immense suction
that I briefly considered forming a really good seal with my buttocks and letting it do the work for me, an idea which I
wisely rejected, like the one time I almost jumped into a pool with water wings around my shins.

There's a lot more to tell, but let's just keep it short and stick to the important and interesting cultural/historical stuff,
which is that the women are HOT. 

The Euro is worth about 1.37 to 1 US dollar, and after some night-lifing, I can tell you that about the same ratio applies
to the "1 to 10 scale" of hotness.  So for example, a 6 in Germany would equate to a high 7 / low 8 by American
standards.  To put it another way, if you were to sleep with a woman from Luxembourg that was so ugly that you had to
bail out the second story window and break both legs to avoid detection in the morning, you could actually take that girl
to any mall in Oklahoma City or smaller and not get goofed on too badly by other males.

I ain't even shitting you.  This place is great.

                                                                                                                                                                        *or Sepultura