Some of history's most evil motherfuckers joined in mourning today over the loss of Kenneth L. Lay, the former CEO of
Enron who was convicted on several counts of fraud and conspiracy while at the helm of the doomed megacorporation,
which misrepresented earnings to fool investors, among other shady practices.

The Enron debacle has become a blueprint of sorts on modern corporate greed.
Lay died while awaiting sentencing in an Aspen, Colorado home well beyond your means, having been freed on a bond
that is also many times more than you can ever hope to see in your life.

Attending the impromptu ceremony were Pol Pot, Vlad the Impaler, and Bill Lumbergh, a manager at the Initech
corporation, amongst a host of other unsavory fucks.

"It's a shame, a real blow to all leading figures in the corporate world," said Lumbergh solemnly as he gazed over the
gravesite, trying to visualize the coffin which surely cost a shitload more than your house. "I could have used his
expertise, as the man clearly knew how to make the numbers say the right things," he mused. "He was a hard worker; I'm
sure he never had a problem coming in on Saturdays. As well as sundays, too, if need be. Hmm, yyyeah."

Pol Pot and Vlad the Impaler were overheard discussing how a businessman such as Lay could have helped maintain
their respective reigns of terror.

"Damn," Pol Pot lamented. "With financiers such as that man on my side, oh, the bone-piles could have been so much
higer."
"I must concur," responded the Impaler, tossing back a Chardonnay. "Despite all my hard-core mystique, I never really
could pull my head out of my ass when it came to money. It would have taken a lot off my mind to have a guy like that
around, at least as an advisor or something."

Adolf Hitler and Caligula were also at the gala, though they were engulfed in a conversation about the new television
show, who wants to be yet another useless beautiful person, which they would not break from to answer questions.

Darth Vader noticed this lull in the action and saw it as his chance to mug for the camera, a widely known habit of his.

"Excuse me! Excuse me!" he interjected, "Y'know, I was in finance before I was burnt and dismembered by that little Jedi
faggot Kenobi. --Yeah, shut up, Lance, it's not funny. Anyway, as I was saying: a lot of the angst from my days as a credit
analyst carried over and helped me to turn the galaxy into the war of psychic and technological terror that it is today."

He "forced over" a few Hors d'oeuvre before continuing.

"Workin' with money, man. It's no joke. I mean, look at me: I'm a master of the Dark Side, for crying out loud. I run the
fuckin' Death Star, ok, and even I don't have that kind of illusory spending power."

He then looked down helplessly at his appetizers, realizing he didn't have a mouth to eat them with.
"Trust me," he sighed, "the dude's better off."