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Dateline: September 15, 2006
A.D.
Actor/Comedian/Has-been Norm MacDonald commited a terrible
atrocity this week:
Like a fag, he tried to "boost my shit."
My
friend BoucheDag, mastermind of the Weakly Blog (the weakest blog around),
informed me this morning that former
SNL Weekend Update anchorman and
curly-haired jerkwad Norm MacDonald did a bit last night on the Daily Show
regarding "Crocodile Hunter" Steve Irwin's passing.
Some of the
premises of his bit were taking into account the crocodiles' perspective
on the matter, and the dynamics of
being assaulted by one of nature's
goofiest mistakes (aside from Norm MacDonald), the stingray.
Nice,
pal. Only one problem: I did it first, and much better. My bit on the
topic was officially created and posted Sep. 6 of
this year, and last
modified on the 8th. MacDonald, 42, has had trouble finding significant
work lately, as Adam Sandler
has not needed a MacDonald-ish crony for
one of his films for some time.
Several unpublished independent
underground self-conducted online studies show that my website is
extremely popular
amongst washed-up celebs ages 31-49, second only to
Eugenicsforrichassholes.com. He clearly logged on to my site
and read
my article, tweaked it to sound all MacDonald-y and shit, and spat it out
in its inferior form on the Daily. I have
tried to contact Mr.
MacDonald to confront him on the issue, but his agent has been suicidal
since Doctor Doolittle 2 and
has apparently been
institutionalized. All I get is a recorded message in which a slightly
high-pitched sounding male
(which I assume to be Rob Schneider) gives
out another number to call, which led me to a transmission shop in Des
Moines.
Hey, asshole, what's the problem? Don't tell me all
that Dirty Work money dried up already!
I would be satisfied
with Norm conducting a Public service announcement regarding the evils of
plagiarism, but the public
at large will handle this cretin for me
after Deuce Bigalow 4 hits theaters, when they will form a lynch mob and
tie him onto
the hood of a Lincoln Towncar and beat him with crappy
Jeff Gordon merchandise at the behest of Kevin Nealon, to whom
he owes
several month's back rent.
Now I have to put dates on all my
entries! Thanks a lot. Fuck you Norm!
Norm MacDonald can bee seen
on the Irrelevant Across America tour, which should start this November,
depending on
whether or not Jimmy Fallon lets him out of his Gimp
Box.
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