Consumers reject the Second Coming in favor of PS3

Our savior has revealed his intent to descend from Heaven this fall, only to be met with lukewarm acknowledgement from
consumers.

The Second Coming, or "Rapture," as some might call it, is finding trouble gaining anticipation in light of the PS3's
impending release.  The upcoming console boasts Blu-Ray and hi-def features, which consumer reports show to be
lacking in the Father of Light.

"I don't know how He expects to compete," says Vincent Valentine, a 20 year-old Edmond, OK citizen and avid video-game
player.  "I mean, Yeah, Christ can descend into your soul and grant total redemption, but you have to take Him into your
heart and ask for forgiveness.  The PlayStation 3, on the other hand, is gonna have backwards compatibility and wireless
control right out of the box!  I mean, unless He can grant me solace in 1080p, He might have to wait until I get through a
few launch titles."

Marlene Wallace, a college student, also expresses concern over the scheduling conflict.

"I'm not sure that Fall is going to be a good time for Him," she explains.  "I mean, the PS3 is going to connect to my PSP
and shit.  I haven't used it in months, and now I'm finally gonna be able to justify the purchase.  I mean, I know my soul is
important and all, but I didn't have to chuck $250 dollars at a Best Buy geek to get that."

She also went on to describe other inconveniences.

"That makes sense, though," she sighs, "seeing as how I'm just about to finish my RN.  Honestly, does it have to be now?  
I'd like to buy a house, you know."

Zack Gainsborough, another college student, agrees:

"Yeah, why couldn't He take us out with benevolence when I was fuckin' buried in those car payments?" he complains.  
"Am I gonna hear the Trumpets sound right when I drop the last check in the mailbox?  Boy, that would piss...me.. OFF."

He went on to explain that perhaps a tie-in deal could help God's Son make a stronger impact.

"I'm a business major, you know?  He needs an edge; He needs to step into the market with muscle.  If He were to hook
up with GameStop and make it so that we got, like, trade-in value for our sins, we would all be down for that in absolutely
no time."

He smiled thoughtfully at the idea.

"Yeah, I could totally trade in some past transgressions and earn enough credit to get the next Devil May Cry game for
free.  Have you seen the previews for that?  It's gonna rock!"