SAM!  Throw that 11 dollars into my chest!  

I exercised poor judgment this weekend.  Worse than going hoggin' or paying for an mp3, I decided that it would be smart to spend my precious time watching construction equipment turn into walking pinball machines with stage theater voices spouting off about epic save-the-world nonsense. 

If Optimus Prime were a genuine long-haul semi, he would be too busy with whiskey, meth, and fumbling with bathroom-dispenser condoms to bother with saving the peons of Planet Earth. 

Just imagine the vending machine at work transmogrifying into a sassy android and that's what you would have if the Transformers world really existed.  As if you didn't already identify enough from the printer scene from Office Space--which was a much better movie by the way.